Not the Droid You’re Looking For? Oh, but yes, she is: “M3GAN” (2022)

The love child of the HAL-9000, Sam from “Her”, and Ava from “Ex Machina”, M3GAN is a terrorist doll I’d hang out with. For a little while before I run like hell. She’s a genuinely interesting AI character in a very sly, sometimes laugh-out-loud funny, and not-without-thrills flick. 

It is remarkably fleet of foot; we go from zero to sixty in about the time it takes to type those words. There’s a fake ad for an AI companion/toy and before you know it, a child has lost her parents and is sent to live with her mother’s sister, the woman behind the design for these toys. 

Sounds like a lot to process and it kind of is because Gemma, Alison Williams (“Girls”, “Get Out”, and “The Mindy Project”) is ill-equipped to be of any use to her niece. Cady, bless her, is palpably afloat and alone and stuck with an adult she doesn’t know, who doesn’t know how to talk to her, and a life unmoored with seemingly no rules, except one: don’t touch the toys on display in the living room. They’re not toys, they’re prototypes. And no, you can’t play with them. 

Gemma’s not mean, just clueless. As played by twelve years old Violet McGraw, Cady folds in on herself subtly and quietly as Gemma decides the best approach is to let Cady pair with M3GAN, Gemma’s most successful companion. M3GAN was built in secrecy at the lab, particularly after her earlier version failed on reveal to the CEO. However, the latest iteration is so successful at watching over and being with Cady, that it appears it’s time for a roll out.

Of course, there are issues. A social worker is concerned that Gemma is treating Cady as a problem and M3GAN is her solution, instead of actually doing the work of bonding with Cady as a relative and giving her some degree of love. 

M3GAN, on the other hand, takes her duty seriously and overrides command protocols to challenge Gemma’s authority. (M3GAN has a switch but fat chance getting to that once she gets rolling.)

When Cady is upset and missing her parents, M3GAN sings her to sleep, M3GAN makes sure Cady washes after going to the bathroom, and provides tips on child rearing to Gemma that I don’t think Gemma really appreciates (that thing about forcing kids to eat their vegetables? That can create eating disorders later in life…see? This is an educational film!)

M3GAN ramps up the protection when Cady is bullied at a day camp and things don’t end well for the bully. Of course, M3GAN wasn’t supposed to be there, but Cady insisted and the camp counselor said it was okay; M3GAN could just sit among the other toys the children brought with them. When she hears Cady in distress; our android protector goes into high gear. 

Dumbass Brandon decides he can bully M3GAN and she lets him until he gets on top of her and watching her pull his left ear is off is just the beginning. “You know what happens to bad boys who don’t mind their manners? They grow up to be bad men. Are you listening to me, Brandon?” Yeah, too little too late for B, I’m afraid, he runs out into oncoming traffic and from there, scrutiny tightens on Gemma. 

See, the nosey neighbor Celia next door has a dog. Well, had. I’m not saying M3GAN had anything to do with it… but I am. Because she did. Dog’s dead and the neighbor goes missing, as well. It’s one thing when a cop comes by to make peace when the neighbor starts a confrontation in Gemma’s driveway; it’s a little different when the cop comes by after the dog’s been reported missing and Gemma is accused of the disappearance because the dog routinely shit on her side of the fence and Gemma complained. It’s yet again, a little more different when an investigation is opened in the disappearance of the neighbor, too.

M3GAN moves with stealth and efficiency and woe to anyone she deems a target. In the meantime, Gemma has been more positively embraced by David, the CEO of Funki (they deserve to tank with a name like that)the company that Gemma works for. The comedian Ronny Chiang plays David in a kind of middle key. He’s not the most obnoxious CEO or tech bro I’ve seen, and I don’t really find him all that bad a guy; but like Gemma, does seem majorly clueless. 

That said, by the time this has happened, Gemma and her team, colleagues Cole and Tess, have recognized that M3GAN has grown a little volatile. Gemma is able to power M3GAN down and resolves to take her back to the lab so the more problematic aspects of her AI can be addressed. The separation leads Cady to act out and slap Gemma which serves as a wake-up call and she assures Cady that she will be more attentive to her and be there for her from now on. 

Left with Tess and Cole, M3GAN powers up and has found a way to connect to the company’s IT infrastructure. She overpowers Cole and Tess and well…

It hardly takes a genius or a film scholar to figure out that M3GAN is going to go full Frankenstein’s monster on the humans before long and of course, it has to happen at an investors meeting with the entire company walking and it is glorious. M3GAN takes out David and his assistant and in a particularly bloody manner but provides a back story to make it look like a murder-suicide. Clever, but pointless since all hell breaks loose when a woman lets out a bloodcurdling scream upon seeing both bodies in the elevator. 

M3GAN commandeers a car and heads back to Gemma’s to finalize her role as Cady’s primary caregiver. Suffice it to say, that after threatening Gemma and scaring the bejesus out of Cady, M3GAN’s AI psychopathy has revealed itself. There’s a Terminator style showdown in the garage and Cady sets “Bruce” on M3GAN. Oh, right: Bruce was an earlier version of what would eventually become M3GAN, basically, a large robot controlled by two glovers. It being that kind of ending, even though Bruce has ripped M3GAN in half, her top half continues to move toward Cady and after Gemma exposes the droid’s processing chip, Cady stabs it with a screwdriver, and disables M3GAN. 

The police show up with Cole and Tess and the camera pans past Cady and Gemma to see a camera (or is it a PA Alexa kind of thing?) light come on. Cue “M3GAN 2.0” now entering pre-production.

Gerard Johnstone directed from a script by Akela Cooper (who’s done some strong work on “Luke Cage” and who wrote the screenplay for “Malignant”) and story by Cooper and producer James Wan, building yet another franchise in his portfolio to go along with “The Conjuring”, “Insidious”, and his OG “Saw” series. (And “Aquaman”! Don’t forget “Aquaman”!)

Thematically, there’s not a lot to go into. This is not a deep film; it just delivers the goods. The above allusions notwithstanding, M3GAN would probably be unable to understand Samantha, but she would likely find a kindred soul in HAL. Her closest analog would likely be Ava, though; although Ava is more driven by superiority and M3GAN, while she has that element is also just outright kind of mean. All of this said, watching M3GAN grow and go farther off the rails was great fun. 

These kind of things really work with a strong cast and while Williams is terrific as Gemma, Violet brings a wealth of experience already from having worked in “Doctor Sleep” and the Netflix “Haunting of Hill House Series.” She’s even already been in the MCU, playing the young Yelena Belova in “Black Widow”; I’m keeping an eye out for her.

Brian Jordan Alvarez as Cole and Jen Van Epps as Tess as are swell little Scooby Gang and I hope they are brought back for the sequel. 

Amie Donald played M3GAN and Jenna Davis handled the voice duties (Davis is in a forthcoming film from Diablo Cody and Arnold has already had her dose of strange in the series “Sweet Tooth”); together, they give M3GAN a remarkable presence and along with some swell CGI, some witty physicality (when M3GAN stands up after removing Brandon’s ear, you know this doll has some serious badass in her; she hunts him down on all fours…and don’t get me started on the weird-ass dance she performs before she ends David and his assistant.) 

“M3GAN” is as tight and efficient as they come. She thinks fast, and like her movie, she moves fast. Of course, I’m now more reluctant than ever to talk to Siri…

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